


I got you

by ericopter



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: 1 litre of tears, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Romance, Slow Burn, Tragedy, Yoo Kihyun-centric, depends on how badly i write this, kiho are brothers, rich boy kihyun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2020-06-25 04:36:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19738435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ericopter/pseuds/ericopter
Summary: It started slowly but would undoubtedly progress to the point where his body failed him.1 Litre of Tears AU.





	1. Meet cute

The symptoms started showing slowly. Kihyun was 19. It was little things that could have easily passed off as clumsiness. There were times when he would fall or had difficulty calculating distances.

It was summer.

Kihyun returned home having opted out of taking summer classes. If he was honest with himself, it was because he was lonely, and not because he wanted to rile his parents up. He liked to come back home unannounced to visit his brother and friends much to the chagrin of his parents. They have exiled him to the states under the guise of getting an education, but it was their way of sweeping the revelation of his sexuality under the rug. His parents hoped that the time spent away would prove this ordeal to be a passing phase.

He knew the help would have to inform his parents of his arrival but a quick visit to Soyou, head of the household staff, would buy some time. He went into the kitchen and found her humming while she cleared the counter.

“Hi nuna.” He walked towards her and hugged her.

“You scared me.” She lightly slapped his arm. “Kihyun-ah, you’re looking thin. Have you been eating well?”

“Of course. You taught me to cook.” He grinned proudly.

She smiled at him fondly. Through the years, Kihyun liked hanging around the hustle and bustle of the kitchen and as a result, the kitchen and household staff particularly doted on him.

“Is hyung home?”

“I think so; he asked to have his lunch served early. If you hurry, you might just catch him.”

Kihyun nodded. “Nuna can you not let Mr. and Mrs. Yoo that I’m home yet?” He said quietly.

“Not a word.”

“Thank you.” He gave her a cheeky wink as he walked out the kitchen.

He snuck into his brother’s room and went straight to the bed. Despite having similar-sized rooms, they would often hang out in Hoseok’s room – Kihyun always in bed and Hoseok on the lounge chair. 

Hoseok came out of his ensuite bathroom and sighed heavily after seeing Kihyun looking snug in his bed. “You have your own bed.”

“I don’t see you for a few months and this is how I’m greeted??? I missed you too, hyung.” Kihyun gave him a toothy grin.

“Does mom and dad know the prodigal son has returned?”

Kihyun rolled his eyes. “Save the lecture, please. I’m still jet-lagged.”

“You should exercise. It will help. I was just about to go to the country club. Come with?”

“You know I don’t like to work out.”

“It’ll be fun. Besides, it’ll spare you time before mom finds you home and lectures you.”

Kihyun groaned. “Alright, alright. I’ll go change.” As he got out of bed, he miscalculated the distance and fell headfirst on the carpeted floor.

“You ok?” Hoseok breathlessly laughed as he helped him up.

“Yeah, I must be tired…really, hyung. I’m ok.”

“You know most people would put their hands out to break the fall” Hoseok shook his head.

“My leg got caught in the duvet is all” He straightened the duvet on the bed. “I’ll try to be quick. Gimme 10 mins?”

“Ok, I’ll be waiting in the car.” He watched Kihyun walk out of the room. “Kihyunnie, did you lose weight again?”

“Dunno” Kihyun shrugged as he walked out the room. He brushed off his brother’s comments thinking he must’ve looked haggard from the flight.

As they walked into the country club, Kihyun made eye contact with a tall stranger. The stranger smiled at him. The look forced him to take a sharp inhale. Concerned, Hoseok looked at him.

Kihyun whispered to Hoseok. “That guy is kinda handsome.” He subtlety gestured towards the stranger.

Hoseok grinned. “You think so?”

“I mean, he is alright.” He tried to act unaffected, but the stranger was still looking straight at him. He looked at Hoseok and said under his breath. “Hyung, get that shit-eating grin off your face – you’re being too obvious.”

Hoseok waved at the man. “Hyunwoo!” He called out.

Hoseok turned to Kihyun and grinned as wide as he could. “We went to school together.” He said loud enough for the stranger to hear.

Kihyun’s face dropped. “I’ve never seen him before.” Kihyun whispered, desperately tried to avoid making eye contact with the stranger again.

The man walked towards them. “My scholarship only lasted a year. I wouldn’t be able to afford that posh school otherwise” Hyunwoo explained. “I’m Hyunwoo, by the way.” He offered his hand for Kihyun to shake.

“Kihyun. I’m his younger brother” Kihyun mumbled as he lightly shook Hyunwoo’s hand. Hyunwoo’s hand felt hot. Or his own hand felt hot. Maybe it’s his ears. He wasn’t sure. He normally wasn’t timid but being around Hyunwoo made him want to hide behind someone – anyone, really.

“So, Kihyun. You ready?”

“Hmm? What?” Kihyun looked at Hoseok and then Hyunwoo.

“Hoseok didn’t tell you? I’m teaching you guys how to wakeboard.”

Kihyun sighed. “I actually just tagged along. I didn’t plan on… I-I just came off a 13-hour flight.” He gave Hoseok a pleading look. He just wanted to hang out with his brother; catch up on the things he missed before they go home where he will no doubt be reprimanded by their parents. “and besides, I’m not a strong swimmer –”

“– I swim well. I can save about 30 people.” Hyunwoo interjected. “So, don’t worry. I’ll save you.”

“I guess. sure.” Kihyun replied unenthusiastically. ‘ _Joy, now I can show hot guy how terribly uncoordinated I am.’_ He thought.

“Great! But before we drive out to the lake, I just need you to sign this waiver form stipulating that if you die while wakeboarding, I inherit the Yoo family fortune.” Slightly panicked by Kihyun’s silence, Hyunwoo looked at Hoseok and then back to Kihyun. “I was joking... I’m sorry. They call me Alphago; I’m told I have no emotion and –“

“No, no. it’s cute” Kihyun interrupted. ‘ _Yup, I just said that out loud.’_ If he had any doubt before, he was sure now that his ears were red.

Hyunwoo smiled and gave him a quick nod. “Right. I’ll give you a few minutes to read through it. I just need to make sure all the equipment’s in the car.”

They watched Hyunwoo walk out.

“it’s cute?” Hoseok teased Kihyun as he stroked Kihyun’s reddened ear with his thumb.

“Shut up.” Kihyun swatted Hoseok’s hand away. “Hyung, I’m serious though. I’m tired.”

“Just try it out – It’ll be fun. Hyunwoo seems really eager and he's never this forceful.”

Kihyun nodded and looked down at the waiver form. It looked blurry for a moment. He rubbed his eyes. He must be exhausted.

‘ _It’s going to be a long day.’_ He sighed inwardly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello,
> 
> I'm writing this cause I am very jetlagged. This is my first fic ever - so, I'm still trying to figure this writing thing out. Please be patient with me and let me know what I can improve on.  
> This is based off of the Jdrama "1 litre of tears". If you haven't seen it and you want something to ugly-cry to, I highly recommend it. I also want to apologize to both monbebe and the fans of the drama because this might turn out shyte, but hopefully I can make this real sad. If not, watch the drama instead.


	2. Quick check-up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know nothing about medical procedures and I’m sure it shows. I tried to look up what age you are considered a minor (to make medical decisions) in Korea, and all I found was the age of consent. So, let’s just go with that.

It was a nice day. They drove to the lake with the windows down and the summer breeze wasn’t too hot. Kihyun sat in the back and didn’t speak much; content with the view and listening to their conversation drone in the background. The two older friends animatedly talked about their new workout routine. It seemed like Hoseok and Hyunwoo have been hanging out a lot lately. He noted that his brother looked bigger than the last time they saw each other. He bitterly smiled to himself. It’s moments like these that fuel his wistful longings to be around Hoseok more. He has been feeling like everyone else’s life, but his own, is moving steadily forward.

“Kihyunnie…?” Hoseok’s voice broke his reverie.

“Huh?” Kihyun looked confused. “Sorry what?”

Hyunwoo chuckled and asked, “Did you want to join us tomorrow?”

“We’re here.” Hoseok announced as he parked the car. They got their stuff from boot of the car and walked towards the lake. From the number of cars parked, it looked like the lake wouldn’t be crowded.

Hoseok walked ahead of them. “Hyung, wait up.” Kihyun called out. He wanted to nag his brother for giving them unnecessary space, but Hyunwoo kept pace with him.

“So, work out? tomorrow?” Hyunwoo asked again. He felt himself lean towards Kihyun hoping he’d say yes.

“I don’t know if I’ll be awake for that: Jet lag and all.” Kihyun tried not to gesticulate too much. Why was he being so self-conscious? He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I’m third wheeling your date.” He jokingly apologized, hoping it’ll redirect their attention to Hoseok.

“No, no. I’m glad you came. I’ve been hearing a lot about you; I was starting to get curious.” Hyunwoo said with a smile.

“Oh…kay” Kihyun swallowed. Most guys would vehemently correct him for even insinuating they are attracted to their male friends. He was unsure on what to do with this piece of information and quickly changed the subject. “-so, you guys work out a lot? And hyung said you were classmates? now wakeboard buddies?” He felt a bit intrusive with the rapid questioning.

“Yeah, highschool. We met again at the gym after a long time.” Hyunwoo explained. “He actually hooked me up with the lifeguard gig at the country club.”

“You’re not a wakeboard instructor?”

“Wakeboard, swimming instructor…mostly lifeguard though.”

Kihyun lifted his hand to shield his eyes from the afternoon sun that shone bright. They continued slowly down the dock towards the boat when Kihyun fell headfirst. He landed on the wooden dock with a thump. _‘That hurt like a bitch.’_ He thought. He was blindsided. His face stung and he felt himself involuntarily tear up.

Hoseok rushed back towards them. “Ki…shit. You ok? You’re bleeding.”

Hyunwoo in a panic lifted Kihyun and princess carried him. He looked down at his face. Kihyun looked shaken. “It’s ok. I got you.” He sat him down and went to wet a towel.

“Kihyunnie, you good?” Hoseok sounded frantic.

Kihyun didn’t speak. He was still slow to react; slightly stunned. Why didn’t he react fast enough earlier? It’s like he watched himself fall in slow motion. His face throbbed. He finally looked up when Hyunwoo pressed a cold wet towel on his chin.

“We’ll have to get you to a hospital. There’s only a basic first aid kit here.” Hyunwoo said. He absentmindedly wiped the sweat off Kihyun’s bangs revealing his forehead but stopped halfway. “S-sorry” he mumbled and let go of the towel.

Kihyun pressed the towel closer to where it was hurting. He smiled weakly. “it’s –”

“Alright. Kihyunnie, let’s go.” Hoseok held his hand out for Kihyun.

Just before he could reach for his brother’s outreached hand, Hyunwoo picked him up and walked back to the car. “Hyunwoo, I’m injured, not an invalid.” he objected earning a chuckle from Hyunwoo.

“Thanks dude. I’ve got it from here.” Hoseok rushed to open the door of passenger seat.

Hyunwoo placed Kihyun down. “I could come.” He told Hoseok as he closed the car door. He could see that Hoseok was getting ready to argue so he nodded. “Of course. Text me if you need anything.”

“Thanks Hyunwoo.” Kihyun waved goodbye through the window. “Raincheck?”

Hyunwoo waved back. “Raincheck.” He felt slightly useless as he watched the car drive further away.

“We’re going to Lee General Hospital; it’s the closest one.” Hoseok sounded less perturbed now that they were headed somewhere.

“Please, hyung, anywhere but there. I’m sure this is just a superficial cut and-” Kihyun pleaded as he pressed the towel on his chin. It certainly didn’t feel like a superficial cut; it hurt a lot.

“I’ll think about it.” Hoseok poked his tongue out.

Despite not getting what he wanted, Kihyun smiled. He missed this easy good-natured banter with his brother.

The car ride to the hospital wasn’t long. As soon as they arrived, Kihyun was swiftly taken care of. The perks of being part of the Yoo household. Hoseok watched on amused. He knew how much Kihyun hated being fussed over and how overbearing the health care providers can be after finding out who their parents are.

“There is no fracture; it should heal in one to two week’s time.” The ER dr. explained. Kihyun was then briefed on how to clean and replace the bandage on his chin.

“Thank you, Dr.” Kihyun bowed his goodbye. As the boys got up to get ready to leave, a young-looking doctor with a slight built walked in.

“Kihyun, hello. I am Dr. Jo.” Dr. Jo greeted and nodded his hello to Hoseok “before you go, let’s do a quick check up.”

“Dr, Don’t tell me…I’m dying.” Kihyun theatrically fake-gasped and then, chuckled.

He ignored Kihyun statement and simply stated, “It’s standard operating procedure, I’m afraid.”

“Did my parents put you up to this?” Dr. Jo gave him a commiserating smile. ‘ _Of course they did.’_ He thought and sighed. “Please, lead the way.” Kihyun said defeatedly. Hoseok patted his little brother’s back. He usually received the brunt of his parents’ meddling.

They followed the doctor into his office. The plaque by the door read ‘Dr. Jo Dong Rim, Department Head of Neurology’.

“Please have a seat.” He motioned for them to sit across from him. “Have you been having trouble walking?” He continued briskly.

“Sometimes…? I think it’s just because I haven’t been sleeping.” Kihyun responded.

“When did you notice this happening?”

“A month ago – I had finals last month and it’s been hectic.”

“What about falling down?”

“Eh?” He couldn’t help but be surprised. He tried to think back to the last time he fell hard. “Maybe last month as well? I’m pretty clumsy, dr.”

Hoseok smiled. “Yes, I can attest to that.” Kihyun scrunched up his nose at his brother causing Hoseok to soundlessly laugh.

“Have you ever found it difficult to speak?”

Hoseok’s silent laughter ceased. The question forced him to straighten his back and look at Kihyun.

Kihyun tensed up. “No.”

Dr. Jo made Kihyun do some rudimentary exercises: walk in a straight line, walk in straight line using only one leg, and touch his nose with his pointer finger and then touch the Dr.’s nose with the same finger. With each iteration, he was asked to do it faster. The faster the exercise, the harder it seemed for Kihyun to do them properly.

“One last thing, you’ll have to do an MRI scan. The procedure will take about 45 minutes. Before that, do you have any questions?” Dr. Jo looked at Kihyun.

Kihyun shook his head.

“I’d also like you to make note of anything you noticed that’s physically unusual. Nothing is inconsequential. Just think of it as a diary or blog.” Dr. Jo calmly explained. “As you are underage, I will have to discuss the results of the scans with your parents which will be in a few days or so.” He looked at the two boys sat across from him. “…right, if there are no questions, I’ll page for the nurse and they’ll show where to go from here.”

“Yes, dr. Thank you.” The brothers got up, bowed and walked out the room.

The procedure was painless, but tediously long. It gave him time to focus: on everything that happened, on what he thinks his parents will say, on how long he has before they ship him back. He hated disappointing them, but it seemed to be happening more often these days. He thought about Hyunwoo. He has to properly thank him for today. Was that too eager? Hoseok’s looking a lot more buff. He was clearly working out a lot. Seeing his brother live his life reaffirmed his own loneliness. Hoseok's life hasn’t stopped, but his life in the states did. He reproached himself for envying his older brother. Their parents were much more lenient with him, compared to Hoseok, who was being groomed to take over the family enterprise. Maybe they can live together again? Was that too much to ask? Given the pressure Hoseok is under, he is sure he wouldn’t mind some time away from them-

"Mr. Yoo?" Nurse called out. "You may change back to your clothes now. We'll contact you once the results are out." 

As they made their way to the waiting area, they saw the family driver. Kihyun inwardly groaned. The elder man smiled when he saw Kihyun. “Young master Kihyun. Have you been well?” Kihyun politely smiled and greeted driver Kim.

“You didn’t have trouble yourself. I am perfectly capable of driving home.” Hoseok tried hard to sound less irritated. Afterall, the man was simply doing his job.

“Of course, sir. But it’s no trouble at all.”

“Yes. Thank you.” He replied curtly and handed the driver the car keys.

The car ride home was quiet. Once home, he reached for the bloodied towel on Kihyun’s lap. Kihyun held onto the towel. “I’ll get it washed first.” Hoseok nodded.

They got off the car and headed towards their home.

“Well, that’s one way to announce your arrival.” Hoseok whispered with a grin. Kihyun sighed. The day hasn’t ended yet.

They got home just in time for dinner, which they expected to be tense. Dinners with their parents tended to be mostly silent affairs. Tonight, the silence was interrupted by concerned questions from their mother.

Kihyun looked gaunt; the bandaged chin wasn’t helping either.

“How’s school, dear?” She asked.

“It’s good.” Kihyun replied, almost robotic.

“Kihyun, dear, will that scar?”

“No, mom. It’ll heal in a week or so.” He replied with stoic resignation. He expected to be chastised, but when dinner ended without a reprimand from their parents, the two brothers looked at each other in disbelief.

“Am I concussed? Or are they alright?” Kihyun, still shocked, asked his brother when the two were alone hanging out in Hoseok’s room.

Hoseok laughed. “Of course, they’re alright. You’re their widdle baby boy. They can’t have their Kihyunnie all hurt and scawed.”

“Stop it. You’re making me blush.” Kihyun sarcastically exaggerated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again,  
> What do you think? Too many adverbs? I want to go full-Hemingway, but its hard - I don't know what im doing. Question 1: how do y’all move the story along without having too many conversations? Question 2: do you guys write in chronological order?  
> Also, yes. I stole scenes from the drama. 
> 
> so, I had 8 days to fix my jetlagged sleeping schedule, but I didn't and my dumb ass missed my flight to LA. so I had to cry to the airplane lady to let me on the next flight or else I would've missed the monsta x con at staples centre. and that's just a preview of how I don't have my shit together, so if that's anything to go by, this work would be a reflection of that. (but more importantly, that concert was amazing and I am still weeping.)


	3. Seafood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, so... I am still super sad about Wonho. I got super into MX bc they were fun and entertaining. At that time, it felt like I somehow stumbled upon the sun for the first time; following them helped warm my cold crusty dead heart. And there are still moments like that now where I feel like I get glimpses of their bright light, but they are so few and far between that I know it won't feel like that again (not to be overly dramatic). So, I thought 'fuck it'. Let's just continue to support this shitshow whilst watching SS drive it to the ground. 
> 
> tl;dr I'm going to continue this fic. I'm still sad, but I'll try to move on.

It’s been 11 days since he last saw Kihyun; not that he was counting. The first few days he enquired after Kihyun’s injury with Hoseok. He has since tried everything short of extortion to get Kihyun’s number, but Hoseok always politely refused. He doesn’t get the protective vibe – he was harmless. He just wanted to see if Kihyun was doing okay. Maybe even hang out with him sometime. Totally harmless.

He picked his phone up and called Hoseok. It rang. “Hi…hello? Hey.” He cleared his throat.

“Hey dude, I’ll put you on speakers. I’m just changing.” Hoseok answered.

“Hoseok-ah, are you still down to work out later?”

“Uhh, ya. You okay? You sound weird.” Hoseok asked, concerned.

“Yeah. Why? Why wouldn’t I be okay?”

“Nothing. You would just normally text – is all.”

“Yaaaahhhh… about that. I would’ve texted, but uh, I’m probably bothering you again. Anyway, you think Kihyun would want to join us later?” He sped through his question hoping somehow, it’ll be different this time and the universe will give him what he wants.

Hoseok hesitated, “For sure, I’ll ask him.”

Hyunwoo could hear muffled scuffling on the other end of the line.

“Hey, listen. I’m running late for school. I’ll try to bring Kihyunnie… if he is down.”

“Okay. Thanks.” Hyunwoo sighed. No dice. It was a long shot, but at least he tried. “Yeah, I’ll see you later.” He said, and immediately groaned once he put the phone down. _Why do I to be so awkward sometimes?_ He thought to himself. _Not cool. Overeager._

Hoseok put his phone down and gave Kihyun a knowing look. “What did I tell you? He keeps asking.”

Kihyun was lying on Hoseok’s bed, watching his brother get ready for school. “Do you have to work out? We haven’t even properly hung out since I got here.”

Hoseok smiled. “I can’t. I’m going on that MT this weekend – I don’t want to miss leg day.” He held two different socks up at Kihyun. “Which one?”

Kihyun pointed at the longer socks.

“Wanna come? Your not-so-secret admirer will be there… probably going to ask about you. Again.” Hoseok teased; he knew Kihyun has been avoiding Hyunwoo for days now.

“No thank you. I don’t know why he keeps asking.” He finally couldn’t deflect this topic.

Hoseok’s smile widened. “Is it cause he carried you? Are you that embarrassed?” He questioned Kihyun as he put his socks on. “It’s ok no one saw.”

“ _That._ What was that? I just met the guy and he carries me.” Kihyun got out of Hoseok’s bed and started making it. “Did you relay my thanks? Maybe he wants me to thank him again.” He said, slightly exasperated.

“Nah, Hyunwoo doesn’t have an ego like that. He’s a nice dude. Just kinda awkward.” Hoseok looked over his outfit at the full-length mirror. He winked at his reflection. “Handsome devil.” He said to himself loud enough for Kihyun to hear.

Kihyun rolled his eyes, earning a chuckle from Hoseok. “Hella awkward you mean. Can you tell him I don’t have a Korean number?”

“Alright, alright.” Hoseok made his way to the door. “I’ll make something up one last time, but at least properly thank the dude.” He glanced back at his room, ensuring he didn’t forget anything. “You wanna hang out tomorrow instead? I have a 3-hour lunch gap between classes.”

Kihyun followed behind. “Can’t - I’ve got another hospital thing.”

“Again?”

Kihyun shrugged.

It was his third hospital visit. All three check-ups were with neurologists at different hospitals. For each check-up, he was made to do similar rudimentary exercise Dr. Jo made him do. It was then followed by a lengthy discussion he wasn’t privy to, between his mother and the neurologist. He assumed it was about his MRI scans, but no one told him anything. ‘Stress’ and ‘fatigue’ repeatedly kept showing up when he tried to look up his symptoms and possible diagnosis. If he was being honest, he was getting anxious, but resolved not to worry too much; it simply aggravated his symptoms.

“Please continue to track your progress.” Dr Jo closed the journal and handed it back to Kihyun.

“I have to continue...? Why?” Kihyun asked and turned his head towards his mother, probing. He sat across from Dr. Jo, on the same spot he sat on 3 weeks prior; today though, he was accompanied by both his parents.

The last few weeks have been odd. He has been to four other hospitals with his mother; each visit he wasn’t told what was wrong. But odder still, was seeing his father wait for them in the hospital waiting area when they arrived. He tried not to overthink the situation; his parents tended to err on the side of caution when it came to his and Hoseok’s health. But having his father there cemented in his mind the severity of all his ailments.

He didn’t question his mom when she simply ordered him to “get dressed” this morning. He was surprised when they drove to Lee General Hospital; tense when he saw his father; now he was uneasy. His mind was firing a million thoughts per minute. What was wrong with him? He had an ominous feeling in his gut for weeks. Why has he decided to ignore it? What if they send him away?

Dr. Jo ignored his question and simply continued “I’m prescribing medicine that you need to take orally.”

“What is wrong with me doctor?” His question came out a little louder than he anticipated. He sounded flighty on account of him feeling small, like a child invited to sit with adults. He stole a quick glance at his parents to his left, then looked back at the doctor. He couldn’t help but notice the disconsolate look Dr. Jo gave his mother.

“We believe you have a hormonal imbalance...” Dr. Jo sounded contrite. Kihyun opened his mouth as if to say something. “I want you to start rehabilitation once a week.” The doctor continued. He watched Kihyun close his mouth and simply nod. “It’ll help with your motor skills and strengthen your muscles” was the only clarification he could give the boy; grateful he didn’t probe further, despite looking utterly confused.

“Please arrange for whatever you think is best, Dr. Jo.” His father said simply.

Kihyun’s mind was racing, too overwrought to listen to the rest of the conversation.

“Kihyun?” His father gave him a brief squeeze on the shoulder. His touch pulled Kihyun out of a trance, cutting his disquiet overthinking short. “I have to go back to work.”

They were outside the hospital now. The sunshine brought some respite to Kihyun’s worried mind; being in the hospital was unsettling.

“I’ll be home for dinner.” His father kissed his mother on the cheek and excused himself.

“Bye, dad. have a good day at work.” Kihyun awkwardly waved at his father.

Once his father’s car drove away from them, he could feel his mother’s wandering eye assess his face. “How are you dear?” She asked as they waited for the driver to pull up.

He needed to get out of there; needed to process what just happened. “Mom, I’m going to go have lunch with a friend” He said, evading her question. He felt bad, but he wasn’t ready to talk about his feelings with her yet. He couldn’t sit through another car ride where they pretend nothing is wrong. His thoughts were screaming at him.

“Be home by dinner, dear.”

“Of course.” He responded grateful she didn’t pry.

Their driver drove up to them and Kihyun helped her into the car. When they drove off, he called the first person he knew would help him sort his feelings out.

“Hoseok’s phone.” An unknown voice answered his brother’s phone.

“Hi, is Hoseok-hyung there?”

“He’s busy at the moment. Can you hold–” There was a brief pause and some muffled shuffling. “– One sec. Kihyun?” The voice asked. “You’re saved under ‘Little bro hamster’.” He chuckled.

Kihyun groaned inwardly. _‘Why??’_ He thought to himself. “Hi Hyunwoo-shi. Can you ask him to call me back? It’s not urgent though.” He just wanted to rant to someone without having to explain himself or feel the judgement.

“He’ll be done in a minute…if you want to wait for him.”

“No, it’s ok I’ll-”

“He’s here. Hold up.” Hyunwoo interrupted, handing the phone to Hoseok.

“Kihyunnie? What’s up?” Hoseok sounded out of breath.

“Nothing hyung. I didn’t know you were busy. Wanted to know if you were down for lunch.”

“Yeah, Hyunwoo and I were just about to grab a bite to eat. Wanna join?” He could hear Kihyun hesitate to answer. “What’s wrong? How did your hospital appointment go?”

“It’s-well…dad was there.” Kihyun tried to mask his anxious energy.

“…shit.” Hoseok cursed below his breathe. “Where are you? I can pick you up.” He prodded, knowing the unease brewing in his brother’s mind.

“No, it’s ok hyung. I can go to you guys.”

“Uh, alright. I’ll text you the address.” He was surprised. He presumed Kihyun wanted to be alone, or at least alone with him. “Hyunwoo is with me.” He iterated.

Kihyun’s phone pinged. “Yeah, I know.” He answered. “I got the address. I’ll see you guys in a bit”, he said curtly and put the phone down.

Normally, he’d opt to be alone, but everything’s been strange today. He didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts. Afterall, he had all summer to overthink and agonize. He just hoped that it wasn’t going to be weird between him and Hyunwoo. He has blatantly avoided him the past weeks and has yet to thank him personally.

He got out of the cab and found himself stood in front of a nondescript building. He looked at the address again, making sure the cab driver dropped him off at the right place. Yup, it was the correct. An enticing smell of food wafted towards him. He went up a flight of stairs towards the smell. From behind the door he could hear that the place sounded busy.

Once inside, Hoseok waved at him. “Kihyun-ah! Over here.”

He walked towards their table and smiled. “Hi Hyunwoo-shi. Hyung.” Kihyun said. In the car ride over, he convinced himself that it’ll be one anxious experience after the other, but being around Hoseok and Hyunwoo, he felt his mood improve. “Food looks good.” He commented.

“Hope you don’t mind, we started without you.” Hyunwoo pulled a stool out for Kihyun.

He sat down between Hyunwoo and Hoseok. “Yeah, it’s all good. I was stuck in traffic.”

“Eat, Kihyunnie.” Hoseok placed a piece of grilled pork on Kihyun’s plate.

The younger boy gave his older brother a toothy grin and then proceeded to eat. He felt himself relax despite his early reservations.

“So, how’d you like it?” Hyunwoo inquired as he watched Kihyun eat with gusto.

“It’s good.” He answered between mouthfuls. He wasn’t hungry before but being around the other two improved his appetite.

“I’m glad. Isn’t it great? Have some of the jjigae. It’s amazing.” Hyunwoo pushed the stone pot bowl towards Kihyun.

Kihyun looked at the octopus in the dish and scooped out very little liquid. Out of courtesy, he tasted the soup, trying hard not to recoil from the smell.

“Kihyunnie doesn’t like seafood.” Hoseok stated.

“Yeah, sorry. I can’t stand the smell.” He gave Hyunwoo a regretful smile.

“You’re missing out.” Hyunwoo slightly leaned towards Kihyun. He watched him eat everything else but the seafood.

Kihyun shrugged and said, “That’s alright.”

“There are many tasty things in the sea. It’s a shame you don’t like it. Maybe when you’re older and your taste buds become a little more sophisticated, I’ll hang out with you…maybe” He grinned at Kihyun with his cheeks stuffed with food.

Kihyun soundlessly chuckled. “Wow - I’m so honoured that I’d even be considered.” He said deadpan as he pushed the seafood dish further away from him.

Pleased that his light teasing is bringing a reaction out of Kihyun, he added “…maybe. We’ll have to see when the time comes.”

With a smile plastered on his face, Hoseok silently watched on between spoonfuls of food as the two people fake bicker. He liked the ease with which Kihyun seemed to be getting along with his friend. He missed having him around.

He looked down at his watch. “As fun as this is, I have to cut this short, boys – got class in an hour.” He looked at Kihyun, “No rush, Ki. Hyunwoo will keep you company.” He gave him a single pat on the back as if to console him. He said his quick goodbyes, paid for the meal and left for school.

Kihyun busied himself with eating, suddenly aware he is left alone with Hyunwoo sitting next to him in a table that seemed a bit large for 2 people.

Hyunwoo had no idea how to broach the subject. He waited days and now was his chance. But he could feel a blanket of nervousness wash over him. “Kihyun?” He asked in a soft voice. His palms got sweaty when Kihyun finally looked up at him.

“So, how long are you here for?”

‘That’s right.’ He thought. ‘Just ease into it.’ He reached for the glass of water and sipped on it. He wasn’t thirsty, he just felt he needed something to do.

“I’m hoping for the whole summer. School doesn’t start until September over there.” Kihyun said with his cheeks full.

‘Cute’ Hyunwoo thought and wondered if the permanent grin plastered on his face is making him look a bit too eager.

“So…umm…can I have your number?”

“Sure, it’s-” Kihyun wiped his hands on the napkin and pointed at Hyunwoo’s phone on the table, “-may I?”

Hyunwoo quickly unlocked it and passed it to Kihyun. ‘Yup, definitely too eager’ He thought. He felt his ears heat up as he watched Kihyun type his number into his phone.

“…what? Is there something on my face?” Kihyun handed him back his phone and started wiping around his mouth with a napkin.

“No, it’s nothing.” His smile widened when he saw Kihyun finally smile back at him. “It’s nothing at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MBBs stay strong.  
> ot7 for life.


	4. Confession

Kihyun’s phone vibrated, waking him up. He checked his phone: a text from Hyunwoo read _“Kihyunnie, dinner tonight?”_

 _“Sure_.” He texted back. “ _What time were you guys thinking?”_

He saw the time and groaned. It’s fucking 12:30 pm. How did he sleep the whole morning? He slept at 3 am and felt like his head was splitting in half. God, he needs to get his life together. He got up from bed, sluggish. “Time to start another day _”,_ he groaned to himself.

Since exchanging numbers, they’ve been texting each other regularly. He has even joined them for their post-workout meals sometimes. He wasn’t sure why he was so hesitant to talk to Hyunwoo before. Hoseok was right; the dude was just awkward. It was oddly nice.

At least something in his life was nice.

His home life? Not so much. His relationship with his parents? Still tense as ever. His health? Deteriorating.

It’s been a month since he started physiotherapy but there hasn’t been any visible improvement. If anything, he felt a gradual decline in some control over his body. Now that he monitored and recorded everything, he was hyperaware of how often he would trip or fall, his frequent inability to gauge some distances, his increasingly sluggish motor skills. It scared him.

He couldn’t really tell anyone. Maybe at a push, Hoseok? Telling someone would somehow make this feeling real. If Kihyun didn’t acknowledge the situation, it certainly didn’t happen. Besides, he wanted to be sure before he sounded the alarm. He needed to somehow talk to Dr. Joo without his mother present. The problem was she always insisted on going with him for every appointment. It’s strange. His parents haven’t been _this_ involved in his life for the past year and a half, resulting in him avoiding them as much as possible. Sleeping and waking up at odd times, finding reasons not to stay at home. He was a homebody, but these days he used any excuse to get out of the house.

He got dressed, discreetly left the house making sure that no one saw him and hailed a cab for Lee General Hospital. Once there, he made a beeline for the neurology unit, having been there a few times the past month he knew where to go at this point. On the way there, he saw Dr. Joo talking to a man in a wheelchair and followed them as they made their way to the hospital green roof gardens. Even though it was open to the public, it was mostly frequented by recuperating patients or their visiting families.

Kihyun stood just close enough to the two men to notice that their conversation was mostly one-sided as the man in the wheelchair had difficulty speaking and his wavering words would often be stilted and slow. He tried not to eavesdrop, and just hung around the gardens waiting for Dr. Joo to finish. Their conversation was interrupted by a shrill “DAD!” from a girl he has seen on several occasions around the hospital. The girl ran to her dad, followed by a woman Kihyun assumed to be her mom. Dr. Joo exchanged pleasantries with the mom before turning to leave.

He spotted his other patient. “Kihyun?”

Kihyun walked closer, “Dr. Joo…hello,” he responded, slightly startled like he was caught snooping.

“You’re 3 days early for your appointment.” If Dr. Joo was surprised, he didn’t show it.

“I really like the gardens here and I couldn’t keep away” Kihyun joked, hoping it’ll lighten the mood, but the doctor’s expression remained guarded. He quietly chuckled, thinking _‘Tough crowd_ ’. A giggle across the garden made them both look back at the family, the little girl climbed on her dad’s lap and he gave her a whirl around the garden path. The girl’s mom saw them looking at her husband and gave the doctor a nod of acknowledgment, which he returned with a quick smile. With this exchange, Kihyun could see that his doctor finally relaxed.

“What can I help you with?” Dr. Joo asked decisively.

“Doctor…I” He paused briefly and looked around. He came all this way, might as well ask the man. _Here goes nothing._ “I am not getting any better – I don’t feel any better.” He looked at his doctor, “please tell me what’s wrong with me.” He could see that Dr. Joo was hesitant as if searching for what to say.

“Your motor nerves are slightly imbalanced.” His doctor explained with the same practiced words Kihyun has heard over and over. He was getting frustrated and sighed. Before Kihyun could get a word in, Dr. Joo spoke, “ _If_ you feel that the meds aren’t working, we can try something else. You know my hands are tied; I can’t discuss this with you without one of your parents present. If anything happens, we can talk about it at your next visit.”

Dejected, Kihyun responded, “Of course, doctor, thank you.” He nodded. ' _Of course, leave it to the professionals',_ he grimly thought to himself.

The rest of his day blurred into a daze. Always kept in the dark, he felt powerless. No one would tell him anything. He can’t address the issue because he didn’t know what the issue was. Not knowing when his treatment will end. He was once again reminded that today, like always, he will let others decide what he should do, and he will do as he’s told. He was disheartened.

“Kihyunnie?” a call from across the table made him look up. The encounter with Dr. Joo earlier in the day left a bad taste in his mouth and his appetite suffered from it. They were having dinner, and Kihyun took little bites of everything – everything tasted bland.

“Yeah?” He gave Hyunwoo a weak smile.

“You okay?” Hyunwoo asked. “You’ve been spaced-out the whole meal” he commented.

“Just…you know… tired.” _Right – I need to stop daydreaming._ He silently chastised himself for being careless; he thought he hid his unease well.

“Yeah… if you ever need to tell anyone, you can always unload it on me” Hyunwoo offered, causing Kihyun to smile.

After their meal, they got some iced coffee. Hyunwoo didn’t really want to go home yet and suggested they walk by the river to cool off. The summer air was warm, and the late sun was slow to set, typical for that time of the year. The path by the river was scattered with people enjoying the weather, and the park next to it speckled with families and friends having picnics. Hyunwoo was sweating, but he couldn’t blame the heat. They slowed down once they reached a shaded part of the path. “So, before… why were you swerving me for weeks?”, he finally asked. He's been meaning to ask Kihyun but felt that he couldn’t when Hoseok was around.

The question unexpected - made Kihyun chuckle, “Was it obvious?” The pleasant breeze underneath the shade helped relax him somewhat, but he was suddenly aware that it was just Hyunwoo and him; He tried to remember why Hoseok bailed on them last minute.

Hyunwoo wasn’t sure where it came from. He could blame the sudden rush of courage from the caffeine, or maybe it was the way Kihyun’s cheeks dimpled when he laughed. Either way, he felt that today was his only chance to ask.

Three kids came running towards them, dribbling a ball between them. Kihyun moved to evade the kids, but his leg stalled. It looked like he simply stood there and watched as one of the kids crash into him, causing his knee to collide with the paved path. Kihyun was slow to get up. Hyunwoo reprimanded the kids, “You kids need to be more careful.” They were quick to apologize but boisterous even in their apology. Kihyun couldn’t scold them when he clearly saw them heading towards him, “I’m ok.”

His body didn’t react fast enough, or his body didn’t react at all.

They walked a few paces and sat on the nearest empty park bench. Kihyun looked at his knees where he scraped the graveled floor. Thankfully, it was slightly bruised and red – it’ll heal. “I’m fine. It’s really my fault for not moving.” He reassured Hyunwoo who looked concerned. Lightly brushing his reddened knee, he gave it one last look before abruptly getting up to walk again. ‘ _Out of sight, out of mind.’_

Hyunwoo jogged a bit to catch up to him, “I had a great time today,” he said hesitantly, feeling some of his momentum from earlier lost, “we should do this again sometime.”

“Uhh…actually-” Kihyun stalled and slowed his walking pace down.

Hyunwoo interrupted him, “-wakeboarding! We could go wakeboarding. We still haven’t gone.” Sometimes there were glimpses where he could feel Kihyun revert to his usual reserve and it discouraged him. He mirrored Kihyun's pace hoping it'll change his mind.

“I’m sure hyung would want to go wakeboarding too.” 

“Oh yeah, Hoseok…” Hyunwoo remembered how he practically had to beg Hoseok not to come to dinner tonight. “-actually… I was wondering if you want to go just the two of us?” He waited for Kihyun to answer, seeing that Kihyun was getting ready to refuse, “C’mon, I can’t be the only one who feels this vibe between us.”

Kihyun paused for a moment, contemplating how he should approach this, “I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m-it’s…” He looked straight at Hyunwoo and decided it best to be upfront, “…forgive me, if this is intrusive, but are you out?” He asked.

Hyunwoo was caught off guard by his sudden candid inquiry. He stopped walking altogether.

Kihyun turned to Hyunwoo, walked back to him, he asked “…hyung?” and waited for an answer.

“I am,” he continued when no answer came, “I was outed in highschool. My parents caught me making out with the help’s son. They were livid. The boy’s father got fired and I got shipped off to the states,” he looked around whether the people near them were within earshot. “I only asked cause I don’t want your parents accusing me of converting their only son. I don’t want my parents threatening your parents either. I really don’t want any of that to happen again.”

Hyunwoo looked wounded. Despite hearing his own voice shake and feeling his confidence wane, Kihyun proceeded uninterrupted, “You’re nice…really. I like hanging out with you and I always have a great time with you and Hoseok-hyung but…” he shrugged, “I don’t really date people that my parents could get their paws on.” He didn’t know how to end his monologue, so he simply nodded. He felt oddly relieved. He has never told anyone before Hyunwoo. It was cathartic.

Hyunwoo was still silent, simply nodded back. He opened his mouth, as if to say something but closed it again.

Kihyun wearily went on, “I…uhh- I hope I didn’t make it awkward.” Knowing fully well he did just that, but he needed to break the discomfort that settled between them. “It’s getting late; I have to go,” He avoided looking at Hyunwoo and ended with a quick, “I’ll see you around hyung.” He quickly left, making sure not to look back at Hyunwoo.

 _‘Welp, there goes that friendship.’_ He thought regretfully, knowing fully well he could have slowly eased into it, but for once he wanted to try resolving things by confronting them head-on.

He got home earlier than the previous nights and he knew that his parents were still up. Hoping they didn’t see him, he snuck in and quietly walked into the kitchen to quickly grab his pills. A housemaid spotted him and informed him that his parents were looking for him. ‘ _I can’t catch a break, huh?’_ He chuckled to himself. He thanked the maid, looked down at his pills, and pocketed them.

He found his parents in the study. _That’s weird,_ he noted, having walked in on them arguing in hushed tones. “Hi dad, mom. You wanted to talk to me?”

“Kihyun, from now on, your mother and I want you and Hoseok to have dinner at home every day – no exceptions”

“but…” Kihyun wanted to protest but he didn’t have a solid counterargument. “-why?” He paused, his mind racing. “Are you sending me back?” He looked up at his father. He has been avoiding the subject for weeks. ‘ _Fuck it. I’m on a roll today - might as well’,_ he thought. He kept putting off the issue, but now he couldn’t take it anymore. Every time they were together, he waited for his parents to tell him to go back but they never mentioned it. Not wanting to tempt fate, but all this waiting around was making him paranoid; He couldn’t sit through another banal conversation.

His father responded without missing a beat. “How’s college?”

“It’s fine… it’s great. First year was fine.”

“Your mother and I were wondering whether you want to study here instead. You can apply to your hyung’s-”

“Can I take a year off?” He interrupted his father but didn’t feel bold enough to look at him. Instead, he looked at the vague direction towards his parents and lightly ran his fingers through the pills in his pocket.

His father sighed. “What is it that you want to do?”

“I want a gap year.” He felt himself slowly sink further.

His parents exchanged looks. “We can’t just let you take a year off – you can either go to school or enlist.” His father’s voice was steady but stern.

Kihyun’s ears burned. The last time he looked him in the eyes, they argued, and it didn’t end very well. “Photography…I want to take photography lessons” He babbled in a small voice.

“If that’s really what you want to do, dear. We’ll have to look into getting you into classes.” His mother remarked. She gave him an encouraging smile which relieved some of the tension.

“I want to try applying with my own portfolio” he looked at her and then followed a quick glance at his father. “…if that’s alright.”

“Of course,” she didn’t hide her surprise, “we just didn’t know you were serious enough to have a portfolio.”

Kihyun doesn’t know what possessed him to tell them this way. It wasn’t how he intended to break the news that he hasn’t exactly been the model student but instead spent most of his time in the photography club in school. Just how he intended to do let them know he has decided yet, but their surprisingly plain acceptance made him question why he was so hesitant before.

“Okay, sweetie, let us know how your application goes.”

He could feel that his father wanted to argue, so he quickly said goodnight to his parents and left the study. If he was feeling more courageous, he would’ve told them about meeting with Dr. Joo in the afternoon, but he didn’t want to push his luck.

* * *

Thursdays sucked. Kihyun had physiotherapy mid-afternoon and a quick follow-up with Dr. Joo sometimes proceeded. If he was honest, he hated Thursdays because he was so bored with getting the same evaluation where nothing is revealed to him that he didn’t already feel. While the exercises weren’t necessarily strenuous, repetitive physical activities have been getting increasingly harder to properly do.

Kihyun dreaded this Thursday; unsure how he would conduct himself around Dr. Joo after his meeting with him earlier in the week. Brewing with anxious energy, he found himself in the hospital almost 40 minutes early for this physiotherapy appointment. Needing to destress, he went to the garden; Looking and surrounding yourself with greenery, he was told, helped ease anxiety.

An inflatable beach ball bounced towards him, he picked it up and looked around for its owner. He saw a young girl walk up to him. “Hey, is this yours?” he asked. The girl nodded shyly. He handed her the ball. “Want me to play with you?”

“My mom said I shouldn’t talk to strangers” she boldly stated. ‘ _Cute’_ he thought. He squatted slightly to be eye level, “I’m Kihyun” he smiled at her, “-I’m not a stranger now, huh?”

“I’m Dayoung,” she smiled back at him. To his amusement, she then proceeded to excitedly explain the rules of the game that apparently was all the range in her school, “you basically try to hit the ball as far as you can and the other person has to hit it back. The loser is the one who lets the ball touch the ground.”

“Okay, but you have to go easy to me cause I might not be any good.” He told her in jest. They started volleying the ball between them, trying their hardest not to let it drop. The game was only disrupted when Dayoung sees her father, “Dad!” she feverishly yelled. She stopped playing, ran towards him, ignoring the ball heading towards her midair. Her inexhaustible energy made Kihyun smile.

He picked up the ball and saw her mom walk towards him. She greeted Kihyun, “hello,” she said, “I’m Kim Hyungjung, Dayoung’s mom.”

“Hello,” he greeted her back, “I’m Yoo Kihyun." He returned Dayoung's ball to her mom, as he explained, "I’m also a patient of Dr. Joo”

“Oh yes, I believe I’ve seen you with Dr. Joo a couple times.” She remembered, “Thank you for playing with Dayoung. She doesn’t have many playmates in the hospital I’m afraid.”

Kihyun smiled at her, “No, no. I liked playing with her – it kept me busy.” The slight exertion helped him forget about his appointment. Remembering he had an appointment, he quickly looked at his watch to see how long he had. _20 more minutes,_ he noted. “I had some time before my physio,” he clarified.

She nodded as they both looked on at Dayoung playing with her father.

“Mrs. Kim, if you don’t mind me asking, what is Dayoung’s father’s disease?”

“He has problems with his spinal cord. The parts of the human body that allow us to move are the spine and cerebellum. His body is slowly degenerating and can’t function… his muscles don’t receive the right signals and move when he wants to.” She explained to him, his thoughts quickly ran back to earlier in the week when the boy bumped into him.

She continued, “but he still has a clear understanding of everything around him, there’s no damage to his brain.”

Kihyun paled. Though he was grateful for the rare candid conversation, he heard a ringing in his ears. Everything she described felt oddly familiar.

The rest of their chat melted into a fog. When the conversation lulled, he graciously excused himself, saying he will be late for his appointment. He quickly left the gardens and looked for a quiet, empty spot elsewhere in the hospital.

He cautiously looked around, making sure he was alone.

His ears rang.

He pulled out his phone and typed ˹disease cerebellum degenerating spine’. He clicked on an article titled " _Spinocerebellar Disease_ ” and silently read it.

_˹ It is a neurodegenerative disease of unknown origins. Nerve cells begin to break down, eventually completely disappearing. ˼_

Dayoung’s mother’s voice echoed in his head. 

˹ _The first indications are stumbling or falling easily when walking; it’s difficult to perceive a sense of distance, causing trouble picking things up. ˼_

He paid no mind to the constant ringing in his ears.

_˹ It grows difficult to stand, forcing patients to use a wheelchair in their daily lives. ˼_

His ears grew hot as he thought of Dayoung’s father in his wheelchair.

˹ _They will eventually become unable to speak and will face considerable difficulty communicating. ˼_

He remembered the stalling conversation Dayoung’s father had with Dr. Joo.

_˹ The cause of this disease is still unclear. While the progression of the disease can be slowed down ˼_

The ringing continued.

_˹ there is no cure ˼_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hated writing this. To me, Shownu right now is very one dimensional. I know this is a Kihyun-centric fic, I still want all of them to be well rounded. I'm going to ruminate on the coming chapters...hopefully i can flesh his character out.  
> Also, I removed soyou from the tagged characters. not sure if she will be making another appearance. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading :) Hope you are safe in your part of the world.


End file.
